I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
