All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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