Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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