he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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