one word: firstdatebathroomanal
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
