So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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