I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You made out with two different species that night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
