When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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