I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
