After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
