We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
