pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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