the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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