You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
