Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
