And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
NoShamevember. You game?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
