1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize