My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ketchup is God's man juice
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
