Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
