You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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