it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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