Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
