Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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