My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
