May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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