I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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