so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
