it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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