I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
