Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I understand Curling. That high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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