The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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