I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
