i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
