Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my being single is dangerous.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
