Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
