There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
