wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Its about making memories worth repressing
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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