I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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