I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
