Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
