The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
