last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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