omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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