so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
