Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
