you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize