Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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