This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
