Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
