I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
did you just send me my own nude
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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