oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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