I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
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