Only a mothe r could love this liver
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
