My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
