i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
