i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Randomize
