i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I checked into jail on foursquare
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
