We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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