the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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