Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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