you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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