I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
