I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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