I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
