from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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