my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize