The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
