it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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