I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
