Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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