I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
