if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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