so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize