it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Let's get the cat blown out
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
