yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
