I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
