if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
