yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
