dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
