remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
