why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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