So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
