i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize