I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
