Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
