omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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