I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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