Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
