problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
