That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
