Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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