YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
