Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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