Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
