So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
