This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
