he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
