the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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