I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize