there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
