A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
