I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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