So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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