i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
